If you are in immediate danger, call 911. To speak with a trained advocate 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

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Domestic violence affects roughly 10 million people in the United States every year. It crosses every line — income, race, age, gender, and education — and it rarely announces itself clearly at first. The control often starts small: a cutting comment, a canceled plan with friends, an explanation of why you “need” to check in. By the time physical violence enters the picture, victims are frequently already isolated and afraid.

This resource is designed to be fast and practical. Whether you’re trying to understand what’s happening in your own relationship, worried about someone you love, or navigating what comes next — the information below can help.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence (IPV) — refers to a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another in a current or former intimate relationship. The relationship may be a marriage, a long-term partnership, a dating relationship, or a household shared with a family member.

The word “violence” can mislead people into thinking this is only about physical harm. It’s not. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines intimate partner violence as including physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression — including coercive control. Any one of these, alone or in combination, constitutes abuse.

Domestic abuse thrives in silence. According to research, actual incident rates may be 29% to 53% higher than official counts because so many cases go unreported — driven by fear, financial dependency, shame, and distrust of the legal system.

Types of Domestic Violence

Understanding the different forms abuse takes is one of the most important tools for recognizing it.

Physical Abuse

This is what most people picture: hitting, pushing, slapping, choking, or restraining a partner. Physical abuse often escalates over time and can become life-threatening. Intimate partners are responsible for nearly 50% of female homicides in the United States.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Constant criticism, humiliation, threats, gaslighting, and isolating a partner from friends and family. This type of abuse can be harder to name but does serious long-term damage — including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Many survivors report that psychological abuse was more damaging than physical violence.

Financial Abuse

Controlling access to money, sabotaging employment, or forcing a partner into financial dependence. Economic abuse is present in roughly 95% of domestic violence cases, according to domestic violence advocacy organizations. It’s also a primary reason many victims feel they cannot leave.

Sexual Abuse

Any sexual act forced on a partner without consent, including within marriage. Sexual coercion — using pressure, threats, or manipulation to obtain sex — also falls into this category.

Stalking

Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention that causes fear. The CDC reports that more than 1 in 5 women in the U.S. have experienced stalking at some point in their lives. Stalking frequently accompanies other forms of abuse and escalates significantly when a victim tries to leave.

Technological and Digital Abuse

An increasingly common form of control in which abusers use phones, apps, GPS tracking, and social media to monitor, harass, or intimidate a partner. This includes spyware installed without consent, constant demands to share location, and using social platforms to publicly humiliate or threaten.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Abuse rarely starts with violence. It builds. Recognizing early warning signs — in your own relationship or in someone you care about — can open a path to safety before the situation escalates.

Warning signs in a partner’s behavior:

• Extreme jealousy or possessiveness disguised as love or concern
• Controlling behavior around money, clothing, who you see, or where you go
• Explosive anger or unpredictable mood swings
• Blaming you for their behavior (“You made me do this”)
• Threats — to harm you, the children, themselves, or to report you to authorities
• Isolating you from friends, family, or coworkers
• Monitoring your phone, email, or location without consent

Warning signs you may be in an abusive relationship:

• Feeling afraid to disagree or bring up certain topics
• Constantly making excuses to others for your partner’s behavior
• Feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells”
• Unexplained injuries or minimizing how injuries occurred
• Withdrawing from people you used to be close to
• Having little or no access to money or financial decisions

Warning signs in someone you know:

• Appearing fearful or anxious, especially around their partner
• Sudden changes in personality, mood, or social engagement
• Physical signs of injury with vague explanations
• A partner who speaks for them, answers their phone, or insists on being present
• Mentions of being monitored or controlled

If you recognize these signs, trust your instincts. The Office on Women’s Health notes that domestic violence can be difficult to identify when it develops gradually — which is exactly how it’s designed to work.

The Cycle of Abuse

Domestic violence typically follows a recognizable pattern, which is part of why it can be so hard to leave.

1. Tension building — Stress increases, minor incidents occur, the victim tries to manage or avoid conflict
2. Incident — The abusive event takes place (physical, verbal, sexual, emotional)
3. Reconciliation — The abuser apologizes, minimizes, blames the victim, or makes promises to change
4. Calm — A period of relative peace, sometimes called the “honeymoon phase”

Then the cycle repeats — often with increasing severity over time. Victims leave an average of seven times before permanently exiting an abusive relationship. This is not a character flaw. It reflects the complexity of trauma bonding, financial dependency, fear, and genuine love for the person causing harm.

If You Are Being Abused: What to Do

Safety is the first priority. Here are concrete steps to take:

1. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Don’t wait to determine whether it’s “serious enough.”
2. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat online at thehotline.org. Available 24/7, free, and confidential. Advocates speak more than 200 languages.
3. Create a safety plan. A safety plan is a personalized set of actions to reduce your risk — both while still in the relationship and when preparing to leave. The Hotline has trained advocates who can walk you through this step by step.
4. Document the abuse. Keep records of incidents: photographs of injuries, screenshots of threatening texts or messages, a written log with dates and descriptions. Store these somewhere your abuser cannot access — a trusted friend’s home, a secure cloud account, or a work email.
5. Prepare an emergency bag. If you need to leave quickly, having the following ready can make a critical difference:
   • Photo ID and passport
   • Birth certificates and Social Security cards
   • Any medications you need
   • Cash, a debit card, and a change of clothes
   • Phone charger and any important contact information
6. Tell someone you trust. You don’t have to navigate this alone. A friend, family member, coworker, or healthcare provider can be an important anchor — both for emotional support and for your safety.
7. Reach out to a local domestic violence organization. Most provide emergency shelter, legal advocacy, counseling, and help with protective orders — often at no cost to survivors.

National and Local Resources

National Domestic Violence Hotline 📞 1-800-799-7233 | TTY: 1-800-787-3224 | Text START to 88788 thehotline.org — 24/7, confidential, 200+ languages

StrongHearts Native Helpline 📞 1-844-762-8483 — Confidential support for Native Americans and Alaska Natives

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 📞 1-866-311-9474 — For young people experiencing or concerned about dating abuse

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) 📞 1-800-656-4673 — For survivors of sexual violence rainn.org

loveisrespect.org Online resources, chat, and tools for teens and young adults navigating relationship abuse

WomensHealth.gov Signs of Domestic Violence — Guidance from the U.S. Office on Women’s Health

CDC Intimate Partner Violence Resources cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence — Research, statistics, and prevention resources

For Texas residents, the Texas Health and Human Services Family Violence Program maintains an interactive map of local family violence program centers across the state.

Protective Orders: A Legal Tool for Safety

A protective order (also called a restraining order) is a court order that legally prohibits an abusive person from contacting or coming near you. Violating a protective order is a criminal offense.

In most states, protective orders can be obtained through your local courthouse, often with help from a domestic violence advocate. Emergency protective orders can sometimes be issued the same day by law enforcement at the scene of an incident.

Protective orders may cover:

• Prohibition from contact (in-person, by phone, or online)
• Required removal from a shared residence
• Temporary custody provisions for children
• Firearm surrender

If you’re in Texas and have been accused of a domestic violence incident — including situations that may have involved self-defense or a false accusation — the legal process moves quickly after an arrest. Consulting a domestic violence defense attorney in San Antonio early in the process can make a significant difference in how your case is handled.

If You’ve Been Accused of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence accusations are taken seriously by law enforcement and prosecutors. In Texas, charges can be filed even when the alleged victim does not wish to press charges. An arrest can result in:

• A criminal record that affects employment and housing
• Loss of firearm rights
• Emergency protective orders that remove you from your home
• Immigration consequences for non-citizens
• Impact on child custody proceedings

Not every accusation reflects the full picture. Allegations can stem from misunderstandings, mutual conflict, or in some cases, false reporting. Regardless of the circumstances, speaking with a qualified attorney before making any statements to police or prosecutors is critical. A domestic violence defense attorney in San Antonio can evaluate the facts, explain your rights, and help you understand what options are available.

Frequently Asked Questions

What counts as domestic violence?

Domestic violence includes any pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over an intimate partner. This includes physical abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, sexual abuse, financial control, stalking, and digital monitoring. A single incident can qualify as domestic violence — it does not have to be a long-term pattern.

Does domestic violence only affect women?

No. While women represent a disproportionate share of victims — approximately 73% of all cases — men, LGBTQ+ individuals, elderly people, and people with disabilities are all affected. Domestic violence is defined by the relationship and the pattern of control, not the gender of those involved.

What if I’m not ready to leave?

That’s a reality many survivors face. Leaving is often the most dangerous moment, and it should be planned carefully. You can still call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) to talk through options without committing to any action. An advocate can help you create a safety plan for staying as well as for leaving.

Can a victim drop charges in a domestic violence case?

In many states, including Texas, the decision to prosecute belongs to the state — not the alleged victim. Once charges are filed, prosecutors can move forward even without the victim’s cooperation. This is important for both victims seeking protection and defendants seeking resolution.

What is a safety plan?

A safety plan is a personalized set of steps designed to reduce your risk of harm while in an abusive situation or when preparing to leave. It includes identifying safe places to go, keeping emergency items ready, establishing a code word with trusted people, and having contact numbers memorized. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you build one.

How do I help a friend or family member who I think is being abused?

Stay connected without pressuring them. Express concern clearly and specifically — “I’ve noticed you seem afraid when he calls” — rather than making demands. Offer concrete support: a place to stay, help with childcare, or just listening without judgment. Share the Hotline number (1-800-799-7233) and let them know help is available when they’re ready.

What legal protections exist for domestic violence victims in Texas?

Texas law provides for emergency protective orders, family violence protective orders, and criminal charges for assault, aggravated assault, and stalking. The Texas Family Code also allows domestic violence history to be considered in custody and divorce proceedings. Local domestic violence organizations can connect victims with legal advocacy services.

Are domestic violence services free?

Most services offered by domestic violence organizations — including hotlines, emergency shelter, safety planning, legal advocacy, and counseling — are provided free of charge to survivors. Funding typically comes from federal, state, and private sources.

What should I do if I’ve been falsely accused of domestic violence?

Do not make any statements to police or prosecutors without first consulting an attorney. Even well-intentioned explanations can be used against you. Document any evidence that supports your account and contact a criminal defense attorney with domestic violence experience as soon as possible.

How do I find a domestic violence shelter near me?

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Advocates can connect you with local shelters, resources, and programs in your area. For safety reasons, most shelter addresses are not publicly listed, but hotline advocates can provide confidential referrals.